Missions
by The Evil Fishy
Summary: In a desire to write more fics, Cyristal writes an over-hyper story about a potion whose fumes turns smart dumb and dumb smart.


Cyristal walks on stage, holding multi-colored pompoms.  
  
"Gimme an S-L-A-Y-E-R-S: SLAYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She chants hopping up and down, waving her pompoms.  
  
"What are you doing?" Zel asked from the meager audience. Cyris did several backhand springs before answering.  
  
"I joined the cheerleaders!!!! Like my routine??" Cyris asked, jumping some back-flips.  
  
"No!" Lina shot. Amelia pouted.  
  
"Ms. Lina! That is unjust!!" She turned to the hyper cheerleader. "I like your routine very much." Cyris grinned and jumped around some more.  
  
"What is she doing??" Gourry asked. "Why is she acting like my little sister?"  
  
"Jellyfish-for-brains!!" Lina cried, cracking a bat on Gourry's head, which was so thick that he didn't notice. "You don't have a little sister!!"  
  
"I don't have a little sister??" Lina blinked.  
  
"You mean you do???"  
  
"You just said I didn't!!" That earned him another smack. Cyris threw a pompom at Lina, which hit flaming fire.  
  
"FIREBALL!!!"  
  
"Aww, the stage is on fire!! Lina!! THE CURTAINS ARE ON FIRE!!! PUT THEM OUT AND GIVE ME BACK MY POMPOM!!!!"  
  
"FREEZE ARROW!!!" The curtain went down with a crash.  
  
"Thank-you, 'Melia!!" Cyris cried. Amelia smiled.  
  
"Ms. Lina! That was unjust to put Ms. Cyristal's curtains on fire!!" Amelia jumped on the stage, but ended up stepping on some ashes. "Ow! Oh! Ouch, ouch!!" Amelia hopped on one foot, but stepped on the ashes with her other foot. The rest sweatdropped.  
  
"I just loaded another fic on fanfiction.net!! It's really funny!!"  
  
"How funny?" Lina scowled. Cyris grinned, turned on the giant computer screen and loaded up the fan fiction.  
  
"Very funny, 'Ms. Lina'!! Let me read it to you!! Okay *clears throat* , ONCE UPON A TIME...:"  
  
~  
  
The Slayers group was walking through a small forest. The first to notice was Zelgadiss.  
  
"What's that smell?" he asked. Lina, who was to busy thinking of food, didn't notice at once.  
  
"Eh? What IS that awful smell??" She brought her hand to her nose, as well as Amelia, who did so absent-mindedly for she was also thinking, but of her next speech. Little did any of them know, the stench was from a potion that whomever breathed the fumes, someone smart would be dumb, and dumb people would be smart. Gourry, nonetheless, didn't smell it. Two reasons, 1) he was dumb (naturally) and 2) he was dumb (in relation to the potion).  
  
"Ms. Lina? I feel... strange..." Amelia said, pausing for a second. Gourry watched as his three friends' eyes glaze over.  
  
"Guys?" he asked. "Lina?" he asked again, waving a hand in front of her face. She was slowly grinning. Same with Amelia. Zel didn't react the same, but his eyes widened immensely and a small smirk appeared on his face. All at the same time, all three friends darted in different directions at inhuman speeds (even Zel). "Um... hello? You guys? You're... scaring me..." he asked no one. His mind boggled. This was really weird. How could he think like that? Didn't Lina keep on saying he was stupid? He shook his head and looked at the three directions that his friends darted in. He didn't know who to start looking for, so he chose a direction and started running.  
  
He kept on running for some time, and he was still in that forest, still following the cut path by one of his friends. All the sudden, the trees ended into a field, and Gourry saw something blue next to the looming mountain in front of him. He walked up to see Zel... trying to drill his head into the side of the mountain. He was successful in making a hole two inches deep into the side.  
  
"Zel?" Gourry asked.  
  
"Don't know him!" the chimera cried, now bashing his sword into the mountain in a shower of sparks.  
  
"Zel?"  
  
"Don't know him!!"  
  
"Zel?"  
  
"DUG HAUT!!!" Zel screamed. The earth shifted and Gourry fell backwards. "WEEEE!!!!" Zel whipped around, jumping around, acting like an idiot. Gourry regained his balance and grabbed his hyped best friend by the shoulders.  
  
"Stop," he said sternly. Zel stopped jumping around, but still had that hyper look. "We are going to find out what's going on, and help you." Silently, Gourry added, "Seriously." Once Gourry let go of Zel's shoulders, the chimera took to darting around him like a madman. Gourry sighed and stuck out an arm, catching the crazy shaman. Gourry slung Zel over his shoulder and walked back to the forest. Zel kicked his legs and waved his arms, but Gourry held firm. After a little more walking through the woods, Gourry stumbled across a camp. A tent was hitched up, and a smoldering fire was in the center with a pot over it. Someone in a dead asleep trance was snoring near the flames. Gourry walked over to him and gently pushed him.  
  
"Mitosis and meiosis are the basic units of trees," he mumbled. Gourry blinked as the guy sat up and yawned. "Yeah, whaddya want?" he asked Gourry.  
  
"Umm... could you help me? My friend went a little crazy and-"  
  
"Say no more!! I can help you!! You might want to put on this mask and tie your dear friend up!! I will help on the road to recovery!!!!!" The man handed Gourry a gas mask and a lengthy coil of rope. Gourry sadly tied Zel up and side the mask over his face. The other man slid a similar mask over his face and poured some weird looking objects into the pot. The objects erupted. Gourry looked over at Zel, wondering if he was supposed to do anything. Zel's eyes blinked closed, then opened again, losing their hyped glaze. The man picked up the pot and dumped the contents over Zel's head. Zel blinked as he watched the grosteque objects fall in a heap on and around him.  
  
"What's going on?!?!" he yelled. The guy whipped of his mask and darted into his tent, dropping his mask in the way. Gourry took off his mask and heard the man weep in his tent, chanting, "I'm such a bad boy, I'm such a bad boy... but that felt good!!" Gourry dropped his mask and went to help untie Zel. "What's going on?" Zel repeated monotonously, not really expecting an answer. He was surprised when he got one.  
  
"Long story," Gourry answered, a chill going down his spine. Zel looked over his shoulder at his friend. Gourry fumbled with the now slick knots. He muttered something under his breath before pulling a long knife out of his boot and cutting it. Then we went over and cut Zel's legs loose and helped his friend up.  
  
"What's going on?" Zel asked a third time, and that got Gourry wondering if the potion worked or not.  
  
"Well, we were walking down a path in the woods, and you, as well as Lina and Amelia, started complaining about something smelling funny. Then you three stopped, and just went hyper and darted off in different directions. I just chose a path of destroyed plants and followed it and found you..." Much to Zel's dislike, Gourry told him what he was doing at the time. "...ramming your head against a mountain." Zel stared at Gourry in shock. Gourry stopped and looked at Zel, who seemed to be getting a small blush in his cheeks.  
  
"Gourry? Are you feeling alright?" Zel asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm feeling fine... What?" Gourry noticed the surprised expression on the chimera's face. "... Maybe we should keep going?" Gourry started walking again, leaving a slightly surprised Zel behind him. The went on down the path to a small town, were people where trying to get out of as quickly as possible.  
  
"Run away!!!"  
  
"Chaos is on the loose!!!"  
  
"We're all gonna die!!!"  
  
"Mommy!!!!!!!!" The two walked along to see a figure dart back and forth every once in a while.  
  
"Wonder what that is?" The figure came by again, but with pink ribbons trailing behind. Gourry and Zel each grabbed one and Amelia slammed to the ground. She cried and wailed, swearing to sue if they didn't let go. Zel's and Gourry's eyes widened in shock as their cheeks tinged red. They looked away at the sight of a half-naked Amelia.  
  
"Amelia? Where are your clothes?" Zel asked, shielding his view. Amelia stopped wailing.  
  
"ZELLIEWELLIE!!!!!! ICAN'TBELIEVEYOU'REHERECUZALLTHESEPEOPLEAREWEIRDANDDON'TLIKEMECUZTHEY'REALLR UNNINGAWAYFROMMEANDDOYOUKNOWWHYZELLIEWELLIEWHYAREN'TYOULOOKINGATME?????????? " Zel's eyes widened in embarrassment as Amelia clinged to him.  
  
"G-Gourry? Help..." Zel muttered, deathly trying to get away from Amelia.  
  
"Umm... you know what? I'll go find some clothes for her, okay?" Gourry answered uneasily as he scooted away to a department store.  
  
"Gourry!!!!!! Don't leave me here with her!!!!" Zel screamed at the sky. Gourry came back five minutes later with a shirt and forced it over Amelia. The two were dead red with embarresement as they picked Amelia up by the hands and feet and carryed her out of town. They went a ways down the road to the forest before running into a farmer. He was sitting by the road, clacking two rocks together.  
  
"Hee-lllooo??" Gourry asked, waving a hand in front of his face. All the sudden, out of the blue, he screamed, "SHE'STERRORITELLYA!!!!! SHE CAME ABOUT TWO HOURS AGO AND TOTTALLYABSOLUTLYWITHOUTADOUBTDROVEUSNUTS!!!!!!!! WILLANYONEHELPUS?!?!?!" Then he fainted. "I guess we found Lina?" Gourry asked, and Zel nodded in agreement. They walked to several fields, were they found a circular hole that was worn about six feet under. The two (sane ones) looked down to see a red blur dart past them every two seconds or so. "Do you think that's all she was doing?...How do we stop her?" Zel dropped Amelia's feet and cast a sleep spell down in the hole. The figure went into a dead stop and Lina collapsed, asleep. They got her up and started back to the forest, where they met the very queer guy.  
  
"I am such a bad boy, I am such a bad boy, I am such a bad boy, I am such a bad boy, I am such a bad boy, I am such a bad boy..."  
  
"Stop moaning and come help us!!" Gourry yelled into the tent. The man darted out.  
  
"Ah! My best customers are back!!" Gourry and Zel exchanged glances as the man gave them similar directions as before. When the four were ready, the man started his ritual, and Lina and Amelia woke up. Lina was about to scream something about food when a half pot of gunk was dumped over her head. The four got ready to leave, and left, with very little conversation of what happened.  
  
"Zel, what happened?" Lina asked. Zel shrugged.  
  
"I don't know." "Amelia, what happened?" Amelia was as clueless as Lina. "I have no idea, Ms. Lina." Lina sighed.  
  
"Okay, GOURRY, do you have a clue what happened.  
  
"Lina, I don't wish to talk about that every again and I feel a headache coming on so please don't talk to me and anyone who asks about that incident will get pounded." Stares went around as they stared at the supposedly dumb Gourry. "How about we just concentrate on food right now, okay, because I am REALLY hungry."  
  
~  
  
"THE END!! Ummm... AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!" Everyone stared at the hyper cheerleader. Even Amelia couldn't find a nice thing to say.  
  
THE END sign falls down.  
  
"I think it's the end, don't you think?"  
  
"JELLYFISH-FOR-BRAINS!!!!!!" 


End file.
